The conflict resolution method I found involves 6 steps to finding a solution to any conflict. These 6 steps are listed as follows:
1. Cool off
- I feel that this step is the most important because you are never going to solve a conflict when you are emotionally unstable. People tend to say things they don't mean when they are angry, so it's best to have a time where you just cool off. Take a deep breathe, and follow through with the rest of the steps when you feel comfortable.
2. Tell what's bothering you using "I messages"
- I also felt that this step was imporant because "I messages" are ways that you can express how you feel without blaming the other person. In order to solve a conflict, you can't talk about the other person or blame them by saying, "You did this," or, "It's all your fault." Those are what I like to call "you messages."
3. Each person restates what they heard the other person say
- This step is basically a form of reflective listening. It simply helps you identify why the other person in the conflict is in distress and it shows respect for that person because they know you are listening to what they have to say.
4. Take responsibility
- Taking responsibility for your actions is the most crucial step in a conflict resolution method. It enables both sides of the conflict to find a resolution. By stating that you did something wrong, you are switching gears of the conflict entirely. Remember that both sides of the conflict have some degree of responsibility, so don't act like you're completely innocent.
5. Brainstorm solutions and come up with one that satisfies both people
- In order to do this step, you must be open-minded and creative about finding a solution. What works for you may not always work for them, so be patient, and think of something that both sides of the conflict will be content with. It doesn't have to be a solution that you're both crazy about, just make sure that you're both leaving the conflict feeling content.
6. Affirm, forgive, or thank
- Forgiveness is a form of closure and will end the conflict. Maybe you could even throw in a hug! Hugs are awesome.
After closely analyzing each step, I can conclude that this 6 step method is a great way to settle conflicts. It cuts out the blaming and allows the people in the conflict time to cool off (which is very important if you're like me). We all know how we act when we're angry, so don't allow the conflict to escalate because of emotions. I don't see anything wrong with this method and it seems like a great way to solve conflicts.
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kevin those are some really good tips. Hopefully if i follow your method i will avoid tusles with my brother. This should keep me from getting ground thanks kevdog ill remember those 6 steps.
ReplyDeleteThese are very good ways to solve conflicts a person might have. I think the most important step is the first one, which would be to cool off first, before you come to hasty conclusions.
ReplyDeleteVery nice Kevin! You're right, hugs are awesome. That can really break the ice with someone after the conflict was resolved. Of course, that would depend on the person you had the conflict with. Another thing I really liked was the "I messages". I was taught the "I message" at villa when we went over resolving conflicts. It is definitely much more effective than using the word "you" to blame the other individual. Actually, all of the steps are very good! This six-step method seems very effective, and I think I shall use it in the future.
ReplyDeleteKevin I think this entire process is great, but my favorite steps are three and four. With so many people causing unnecessary drama in the world today, it is hard to trust people. When some people hear the oh so famous "he/she said this," or "he/she did this," they do not think to confront the person about it, but rather just believe the rumors and get mad at someone who could quite possibly be 100% innocent. In accordance to step three, I think it is a really good idea to confront the person head on and tell them what you heard and why you are mad. Also, step four is important because it lets the person be open with what they actually did say or do. Although some people may not be comfortable with admitting these kinds of things, it is reassuring to think that the other person must come clean about their actions as well, and in the end everyone involved should be happy.
ReplyDeleteI'm especially interested in Step #3... Unfortunately, most people don't have any idea what is meant by reflective listening and even less idea of how to do it. Few people do it well. There is a great new resource available on this topic that you might be interested in. It's a book by author Dick Fetzer and it's called "Please Listen to Me!" In a step-by-step fashion it outlines the process of effective listening and is an easy-read. Find it on any online bookstore (amazon, barnes & noble, etc.) He also has a weblog at www.richardfetzer.authorweblog.com
ReplyDeleteStupendous job my dear boy. I liked the step when the person repeats the statements made by the opposing person. Restating their words assures them that you were listening and are open minded to their feelings. It shows that you are willing to hear them out in order to form a solution. That was a step that wasn't common in most other methods. Taking responsibility shows that you are willing to admit faults, which will ease the tension in the room and move the process along much more quickly. Great job buddy.
ReplyDeleteumm... does auntie joanne even go to fairview? just saying....
ReplyDeleteGreat job Kevin,
ReplyDeleteI particularly like steps one and two since they alleviate some of the stress in the situation, making it easier to concentrate on the problem at hand and not overreacting at emotions. You can't solve anything if your feelings get in the way, so it's a great idea to cool off, and it's also a lot easier to talk to someone who isn't constantly accusing or pointing fingers but instead just stating factually how they feel.
i think that you have a good idea because of the cool off step. people usually do not do that and do not get anything accomplished in trying to resolve the conflict because they are still too mad about that conflict
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